Before our son was born, I was keen to try and breastfeed, but I knew from my experience working with babies and their parents that it wasn’t always straightforward. I tried to get myself in the best position I could for breastfeeding. I had read books, harvested colostrum and once my son arrived, I put him to the breast within the first hour like everything I had read told me to do.
Early days
It was painful. But so was everything at that point, and the midwife said that latch looked good. I figured that the first time was probably going to be uncomfortable, and I was exhausted and overwhelmed with joy, so I just went with it. The second and third feeds were painful too and by the fourth feed my nipples were so bruised they were almost black and I was in tears latching him to the breast. Everyone agreed that the latch looked good, and the pain would probably settle, and I was sent home.
The next few days are a bit of a blur. I remember crying through every feed as I put him to the breast again and again. I remember advice from friends – everyone sympathising and suggesting different things. I started using nipple shields which helped a bit, but the pain continued. By a week old our son had lost just over 10% of his birth weight and we were advised to triple feed.
Weight struggles, pain, exhaustion and worry
I started expressing after every feed and topping him up with expressed breast milk. This was an exhausting and relentless routine meaning that I was getting very little sleep. There was no plan for how we would potentially stop the triple feeding if things improved. I wasn’t getting huge volumes with the pump and I was constantly worrying that there wouldn’t be enough milk for him. The feeding was still really painful so we saw someone privately who diagnosed a posterior tongue tie, which we then were able to get cut. Things did improve a little, but the feeding was still painful and his weight just wasn’t really picking up despite expressing and topping up every 3 hours.
Finding hope
Our community midwife had told us about Baby Umbrella, and we decided to make an appointment to get some breastfeeding advice at one of the support groups. It was there that we met Jani – a Lactation Consultant working with Baby Umbrella.
When we first met Jani, I was getting very little sleep because of all the feeding and pumping, I was exhausted, feeling like I was failing in this very basic thing of feeding my baby, and everything felt overwhelming. I wanted to keep trying to breastfeed, but I was becoming more convinced that I was going to have to give up. Pragmatically I really believed that “fed is best” and logically I was happy to do whatever the best thing was, but I wasn’t prepared for the hormonal and emotional need I felt to be able to breastfeed.
I remember feeling a bit stupid when I just burst into tears in one of our early appointments, but Jani just got it. She told me that I was doing brilliantly, that I wasn’t failing and that there was still lots we could do to enable me to continue to breastfeed if that was what I wanted to do. There was no judgement, no assumptions – she met us where we were, and I left those first meetings feeling more hopeful and positive than I had since our son had been born.
The months ahead
We worked with Jani over many months. She supported me to cut down some of the pumping so that I could get some sleep, we used formula to support the breastfeeding, enabling our son to gain some more weight to have more energy to be able to breastfeed more efficiently. We were able to really improve the latch and I was able to feed without nipple shields which at one stage I never thought I’d be able to do.
We also worked on slowly increasing my supply by using a supplemental nursing system to do the top ups – something I had never heard of before! It basically means that whilst the baby is still breastfeeding you poke a little tube into their mouth which is attached to a bottle of milk, so that they get the top up whilst still breastfeeding. It meant that I was getting extra stimulation to increase my supply, I was getting more rest as I wasn’t constantly pumping, and my son was still having to breastfeed to get the milk, so he got better at feeding too.
It was a long journey and working with Jani we gradually weaned the top ups down, making sure that he continued to gain weight as we did. By this time, feeding was pain free, he was gaining weight and things were so much easier. Eventually, at 5.5 months, we weaned off the last top up and got to exclusive breastfeeding.
Reflecting on our journey
This wouldn’t have been the right journey for everyone and I really do believe that you should feed your baby however you want to – but if you want to breastfeed, then sometimes (perhaps even often) you might need support to be able to do that, and I’m not sure that we’d have been able to without the amazing support we received from Baby Umbrella and Jani.
The support continued, even helping me when I returned to work to come up with a plan that meant I could continue to breastfeed whilst working long shifts. More than the feeding support though – Jani and Baby Umbrella were there when things were really tough and my mental health was taking a battering. They helped our family get through those really hard days and to actually be able to enjoy the journey of being new parents getting to know our amazing little boy.
Our son is now just over a year old. I’m still breastfeeding him when we’re together around work, nursery and the chaos of family life. I’m pretty sure now that I could latch him upside down, and the days of painful feeds are a distant memory. It’s such a lovely way to connect with him after a long day at work, and I am so grateful that we have managed to get to this point. It is not something I will ever take for granted and I will be forever grateful to Jani and Baby Umbrella for helping us to get here.
Emma
Stories of early parenthood
One of the things parents often say when they’ve recently had a baby, and even more so when they've had a difficult journey, is why did nobody tell me that this was going to be so hard? Why did nobody tell me the truth about breastfeeding, or birth, or sleep, or the emotional transition, or the physical recovery? If I'd have known some of this, I could have prepared myself... and maybe I would have known better if something was wrong.
We'd like to start to tell some of these stories. Every story you will hear here is unique, but it can still be helpful when you’re going through a difficult experience to realise that you’re not the only person who's been through this, that someone else has been here before.
So we want to open up the floor to you all and give anyone who would like to a chance to tell their story of early parenthood - both the joyful parts and the challenges you faced. Not just the shiny story on Instagram or Facebook but the truth of the things that were beautiful and delicious and wonderful as well as the difficult things, the things you might have struggled with, the things you miss from your old life, the things you regret or you wish you'd known.
If you’d like to contribute to our stories of early parenthood we would be really happy to hear from you. Please email or message us.
We hope you enjoy the series and do let us know what you think.
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